In fourteen days from today, if everything goes according to the plan, I will walk away from the Pisa airport with a heavy heart, and I will truly be on my own, over here.
That's the plan. That's been the plan, and not only that but I will have worked hard for this plan.
First there was a short stop in Florida to visit my family, then the Happiness Retreat, then six weeks of this sweet time we are still having, here is Tuscany. Followed by three full months of unknown, before heading to Mexico for two Happiness Retreats.
These middle three months? These 90 days with no program at all, except of course to continue working from wherever I am? That was the precious, scary, exciting, really scary part. And this part is getting close.
In order to stay true to this "I don't know" thing I have been seeking, I have made sure to not make any commitments to anyone I have spent time with along the way, in the past two months, to not grab on to the security of having someone wait for me somewhere, or even having a vision of what the landscape might look like. It has been an exercise in itself and it has presented me with the great reward of this still blank slate, ahead of me.
And yet. Yet as the days pass, I find myself increasingly drawn to visioning the next chapter. I notice my thoughts going there, and presenting me with options. I see my fingers doing a wee bit of internet research.
No. Stay present. I want to stay present to the beauty, sweetness and magic that is now. I want to fully live it - and then fully live that. Whatever "that" turns out to be.
I am deeply aware of this tremendous gift I have extricated for myself: this rare, rare opportunity to not know at all where I will be in 14 days. What the nature will look like, what language will be spoken, what food will be eaten. I have wanted this so badly - and yet my human mind is trying to tell me to make a plan, for god's sake!
Because I know that the more I resist it, the more it will persist, I give this energy just a wee bit of attention. I design my Essences (Ease, Contribution, Community, Comfort, and Joy), and then I briefly allow myself to consider some Forms (a language school, a small flat in Sicily, a spiritual Community in Tuscany, a family in Greece) - and I go back to NOW. The glorious NOW.
And I remind myself that I am not navigating this beautiful ride alone. That all along, I / we have been guided - and why would it stop now?
So if in 14 days, I am still without a plan after leaving the airport, I will find a place to sleep for the night, and listen really carefully. With my heart.
This is feeling a little weird. AND I can do this.
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