 Fall is my favorite season.
When I lived in Florida, then in Hawaii, I would always get homesick for the gray skies of Paris when September came along. A few days ago, I was thinking about how my heart may long for fall time again this year. And then yesterday, as I was driving under a heavy gray sky, it occurred to me that with a simple mind shift, I could help myself to some of what I love of the fall, right here during the summer months. The rain, the gray skies, they are all an invitation to spend more time inside reading, writing, painting. After months and months of nothing but sunshine, what a gift to go back to a fall energy. In fact, my subconscious might have decided on this a few days ago because I have been making soup. Here’s to perspective shifts, focusing on the Essence and not the Form, enjoying fall whenever we feel it, and helping ourselves to all the delicious contrasts of life. This year, fall comes with a very warm ocean to play in. And instead of brown leaves, the most vibrant greens of the grateful jungle.
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 I worked on the painting for a couple of hours yesterday. It was something I had envisioned for almost 6 months, since I first got here.
At the time I was done I liked it. It was good. Good enough. But I did not love it. It did not do this thing that I have learned to recognize as a YES. I tried to settle into it, I tried to tell myself that good enough is good enough. Every time I walked past it, I could tell that I was making an effort to like it more than I did. Then I recognized that effort. That effort to find the YES from the good enough. As I walked past it one more time, I knew that I couldn’t do it. So I took one last look at it and thanked it for having given me the opportunity to be true to myself. Then I painted a nice coat of primer all over it, before going to bed. It felt good. It felt honest. I did hear the voice tell me a couple of times that I had wasted my time, that I had wasted some paint. I heard the voice and re-connected with the honesty of the primer, the open invitation to truer possibilities. I climbed into bed, opened my book and read these words by Glennon Doyle: “Our next life will always cost us this one. If we are truly alive, we are constantly losing who we just were, what we just built, what we just believed, what we just knew to be true.”  This week, I flew to the United States for less than 24 hours.
I didn’t HAVE to because I was told (even by immigration) that it was no big deal to overstay one’s visa. But my gut told me that it would feel like a buzz in my mind space, an incomplete, to live with an expired visa. So I had to create a plan that would achieve the goal that I wanted, which was to renew my visa. Also, I wanted to enjoy myself. I did not want to spend a lot of time flying. I wanted to buy art supplies. I wanted to eat food that I love but I don’t eat down here. I wanted my puppy to be well taken care of. I put these few requirements in my planning blender and came up with a quick trip to Phoenix because it was the fastest direct flight from here. I had never been there before. The night before I left, a friend whom I had not heard of in months sent me a text about a book she was reading. We texted back-and-forth and then I remembered that she lived in Arizona. The next night, she and I were sharing a meal and laughter had a great Italian restaurant. Right after I took an inspirational trip to a well stocked, gorgeous art supplies store. Here are my takeaways from this little chapter: 1) Even if you are told it’s OK, if your gut feels that you needs to do something differently, do it. The background buzz from feeling not quite right is not worth it. Peace of mind is gold. 2) Decide what your hubs are, your non negotiables. Then build around that. 3) Finally, once you have taken care of yourself by doing these things, allow Life’s magic to take over. And whenever someone mentions to you that your plan does not make sense, remember that it only has to make sense to you. Also, that sense is overrated. |
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