I look at this photo, taken a year ago.
It was sent to me by Rigo, whom I had left in charge of “saving my house” while I went to the States to sell my island cottage.
This morning, after a night of delicious cool sleep in my comfortable bed, knowing that I have a day of painting in my small studio ahead of me, delighting in the lushness of my tropical garden, this image brings me back.
To the angst, the hopelessness, the many highs too.
I remember telling someone, a few weeks before diving recklessly into buying this land and dreaming up Casa Sama, that “I needed a project.” I think that day I was already pregnant with the seed of the next year’s extraordinary ride.
What followed was the hardest and most exhilarating experience of my life so far - with the exception of raising my children.
As a single white woman with zero building experience let alone legal background, the personal learning has been huge. The healing, really.
In the nine months it took to go from dirt to my first at-home meal, I completed parts of myself that are now with me for the rest of my life.
Being fully alone at the helm made it impossible to escape and I think that it’s in the staying that the magic happened. The darn Staying.
Would I do it again knowing what was ahead?
Yes, but differently. With way more boundaries and self-assurance. Less deference for sure. Much more awareness of my abilities, away from language barriers and lack of formal education.
Sometimes it’s a blessing not knowing what we’re getting ourselves into. Because then we can transcend our decided-upon limitations and create way beyond what we could have imagined.
This changes the s*** out of us.
I am so grateful that Life guided me through this process. I am so grateful for all the people who crossed my path, even the ones who baffled me. I am so grateful for this land. This HOME where I get to live, in love.
PS: from the very beginning of this odyssey of sorts, I wrote. A lot. I wrote for me, and for my family, and for a couple of close friends. The words flowed uncensored. If you like the idea of making a cup of something yummy to drink and joining me in this crazy-but-not-so-crazy adventure, email me and I will send you the link to my private blog, The Making of Casa Sama. I do ask for your gentleness as you read my words since I did not know at the time that I would one day be ready to share them publicly. I think you will like it and I hope they will inspire you to say YES and hop onto your own beautiful ride.
You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
SCARED OF THE SACRED