Sacred Hellos, Sacred Goodbyes - and Precious Clogs.

Two weeks ago I was caressing my beloved friend’s hair as she was slowly floating away from her body.

On a cold January afternoon, decades ago, she had held my hand as I had walked out of my bakery one last time, knowing I was walking out of a much bigger chapter, heartbroken and scared. The memory had been very present for me in the last few weeks and while I never brought it up to her in our many phone conversations, I knew for sure that if there was any way at all, I wanted to hold her hand as she walked out of her own big chapter, out of her life.

I flew in, walked into her room, kissed her, sat by her bed, and before five minutes had passed, she said to me: “Hey, remember how I walked you out of the bakery, all these years ago? I was wondering if maybe you could walk me out …”

Whew.

I wonder how long she had been thinking this. I never asked, just nodded and we agreed that this would happen, however it would happen.

An afternoon, a night, then a morning. We had these, surrounded by other hearts that were overflowing and breaking at the same time. A sacred dance of love with tears, laughter, and dark hot chocolate.

She and I knew it was time to say goodbye and we knew that saying goodbye is a huge privilege, something not to take for granted, something undoubtedly worth traveling for. It was hard, it was beautiful, it was life and love passing through our hearts. It was gratitude, mostly. For the countless cups of tea, the belly laughs, the big talks, and the support, always the support.

There is so much to say about this and someday, I will.

The memory of seeing her face breaking as we hugged one last time before I walked out of the door, wearing her well-used leather clogs and the black coat I had given her two years ago, is tucked inside of me, in this velvety burgundy place that nothing touches.

Then began the hours of waiting, my clogged feet in the jungle, and my heart in her tiny house 2,500 miles away, the recipient of a friend’s generosity as she wrote to me each day, bringing me as close as she could to the little bed, far away. My feet in her shoes, I walked through the village, the river beds, the dusty roads. I told myself I was walking her out.

The time came, she flew. Gracefully as she lived, knowing how loved loved loved she was. Is.

At the same time, in some poetic and powerful invitation to really FEEL Life, my heart was also on the other coast, in Georgia. There, each day passing was bringing another beautiful being closer to flying into this world. My baby granddaughter was on her way in.

On a shelf in my house, a pair of tiny patent leather clogs I had bought for her weeks ago in the village’s thrift store. Shiny, ready for many walks through streets not yet known.

This two-lane highway of love had been present for weeks. I woke up and went to sleep feeling them both, in awe of how real it all is, how big, how crazy, and really, how … not crazy at all. In, out. Out, in. The rhythm, the truth. Two ends of The Magic Carpet ride. We hurt for one and we celebrate the other. Saying hello is so much easier than saying goodbye. Our hearts crack open at both.

Each day had been bathed in this knowing, this feeling. This gratitude too for not being spared the bright light of truth, the intensity of our humanness. At times it felt sweet and soft and pink, at others it felt as though I could choke on it if I wasn’t careful.

Today, writing from a beautiful sunbathed room in Georgia as we are probably hours from whispering a sacred hello to this baby girl, I love to think that she and my friend spent a little time together out there, my beautiful friend showing her how to make the perfect cup of tea, a flaky pie crust too, maybe. How to go slow, to meditate, to create beauty, to be completely present for a heart-to-heart conversation, to laugh with abandon, to forgive.

On the phone last week, my son reminded me of this Jack Johnson song:
”Down the middle drops one more grain of sand
They say that new life makes losin' life easier to understand
Words are kind they help ease the mind I miss my old friend
And thou you gotta go we'll keep a piece of your soul
One goes out, one comes in.”

What a Gift it all is.

Today, I invite you to GO there. Wherever “there” is for you. Whether by plane, by foot, by telephone, or by prayer. Go there and say hello, say goodbye, say I love you, I forgive you.

I miss you. I am so happy to meet you.