Someone I adore is in love with a person who is in love with both her - and his own addiction.
I remember my heart thinking (do hearts ever think?) that this was a battle I could win. I remember the sobs racking my body at my first and only al-anon meeting. The hopelessness. The confusion. The anger.
"All he has to do is quit," I told myself. "Why isn't he doing that?"
I booked a session with a woman who specialized in things like that. Surely she could teach me how to navigate these waters. Passing me a massive box of Kleenex and boring her eyes into mine, she told me: "Laura, I hear that he loves you. AND his primary relationship is with the alcohol."
But for sure, given the option, he would choose me. So I gave him the option. And he didn't choose me, even though I know that it broke his heart. I was not his primary relationship.
This morning, I receive an email from a former client, one who had once hurt like I once did: "Laura, (my husband) and I are doing great. He is three years sober as of this August. A wonderful guy, he is happy and strong, and we are both happy that things turned out as they did."
Yes, it happens. And there is no knowing when it will and when it won't. There is just the humbling, life-altering reality of being in love with someone who is in love with something else.
Today, for those of us who are hurting, not understanding, or understanding too well and not knowing whether to stay or to go, I say: I am sorry that it is so hard. I am sorry that your heart is breaking and I am sorry that love has turned to pain. Please do not ever feel embarrassed for loving. Please help yourself to the help you need. And please remember that whatever it is... it is all "for now."