10 days till I'm on that plane.
A little bit like a roll of toilet paper, things are accelerating disproportionately as I get closer to the end of this chapter. My to-do list is not shrinking nearly as much as I'd like, and I am working hard at keeping my mind peaceful. Thank goodness I am a great sleeper.
Yesterday, as I was packing my things into boxes to be put away for 6 months, I had a brief glimpse of me doing the same thing in reverse, some time in early spring. I would open a box, pick up a photo frame to hang it on the wall, and one gesture at a time, I would put my home together once again.
I could see it, as in a movie: the same movements backwards. What I couldn't see, or really even feel was... me. The me of 6 months from now. The me of having lived this coming chapter, with all its "I Don't Knows."
Surely I would look pretty much the same on the outside. But what about on the inside? What will these months of "I Don't Know" have done to my inner terrain?
Will I be at peace? Will I be on fire? Will I be confused?
Will I be happy with whatever contribution I will have made, while I was gone?
I don't know.
And just as I am working with great focus at making sure that I don't fill these precious blank days with plans, I open up to this unknown, upcoming version of me. And then I put another photo frame in a box, gently, lovingly - with tenderness for this future me who will open it again.
I Don't Know. It's a mighty sweet space, if we can accept it.
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SCARED OF THE SACRED