The next day, I stayed away.
A new mindset was sprouting up and I wasn't going to hinder its process. I felt that it was taking me in the right direction and so I listened.
Jorge said that the money was okay, and I was going to trust that. I was going to trust that he knew what he was telling me and why, I was going to trust that a little distance could be good. I was going to trust him to manage his crew and his budget and his commitment to me.
I knew he had told the guys that I was fed up and that I had suggested to him we look for another crew.
I had a feeling they may not like that.
So I stayed away for the whole day and drove over at 6:30, which is about two hours past the time they normally leave.
But that day, the day I showed up with my family, excited to give my sister a tour for the first time, they were still at work as the sun was starting its descent into the jungle. My guess is Jorge had plenty to do with that.
And as I had predicted, they were not happy with me.
The mood was strange, I barely got an hola back from the three of them and even Jorge seemed a little bit ill at ease. Which I understand because his position is not easy.
But work was getting done and they had begun the plastering process (it will be plaster, then stucco, then paint), which looked quite cool.
After the crew left we stayed behind and brainstormed the outdoor kitchen, something I had wanted my sister's eyes on for weeks.
But I felt heavy, sad. This energy was hard on me and of course, it took me pretty darn quickly to what could I have done differently? Short of establishing some rules from the beginning (could I have? Do rules matter? and mostly: how would I have known?) and handling the payroll also from the beginning, I don't think I could have done anything differently.
That night I did some processing, conversing with my triggers, my filters, my fears, and basically stuff that is all mine and which this situation is only shining a light on.
In the end, I came up with a perspective, a new mind shift. Not an easy one but I think one which will serve me well: I do not need friends to build me a house. While I may always hope for and work towards joyful collaboration in everything I touch, I also intend to keep a clear focus on what the object of the collaboration is. In this case: to build a house.
Which we are doing.
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