Frustration - Questioning

Early Wednesday morning I received a message from Jorge that "he would be there in the afternoon." I don't even want to bring energy as to the why (had to do with getting things for one of the houses he manages "while checking on welders for me").  Anselmo would not be there either, his arm still hurting.

This, barely two days after we spoke about how much time was not spent with a full crew on the site, while paying for a full crew.

I chose to leave town for the day and go to the immigration office to try and retrieve my immigration card now that the printing machine had arrived.

I swung by there to bring water to the site using Alberto's hose to fill our tenaco and made my way through the jungle road and towards the city.

It felt good to put some space between me and the construction. To give some air to "the way I think things should go."

And it helped.

By the time I returned in the late afternoon, I felt easier, more in the flow.

I got to the house at 4:00 to meet with another solar panel expert and to see who was there and what was happening - and only two of the guys were working, had been all day.

I really liked this new solar guy and felt good about what I learned from him and what he could do. The cost is high but comes with a long warranty. Again, this is something I can decide on later, so I am focusing on Gathering the Data.

I was told that Jorge would come in a bit to pick up the generator. Neither he nor Anselmo had been there all day.

I chose not to wait but go home instead.

Crossing the river bed I wondered for the first time if I was cut out for this. This unreliability of schedule, this seemingly unending peppering of what I still see as white lies, which really is "just" bending of the facts to accommodate smoother interactions. It goes so against my nature and while I have felt my edges get rounder about this, there are still shards that come out to poke me once in a while.

Could I really live in Mexico? As in truly live. Engaging, building, living?

Only if I make some fairly major internal changes is the answer I hear.

Stopped at a red light, I notice this construction store and smile, realizing that I now know each of these terms, in Spanish. LIFE.