Today is February 27, and my dad would turn 86 if life had not decided otherwise.
Today is February 27 and I am just a few days away from the 180 day mark.
I don't think the two are related, but I could not say for sure that they are not.
I left my little island cottage last September 1st. I remember turning back and waving at my cat, my backpack already in the truck.
I knew so little of what was to come.
I had some anchor points: a Retreat in Italy in September and two Retreats in Mexico in February. February feeling as though it was years away. In between? An AirBnb reservation in a small village Tuscany, which turned out to be not quite what I envisioned.
Other than that? A blank slate. A big, beautiful, scary blank slate.
After the Retreat in Italy, I started shedding my friends, the people who know my heart. A little bit at a time, they all left. By November 1st, it was me and my backpack.
It's been big. It's been humbling. It's been exciting.
Over the course of the last six months, I have made many new friends (lost one, too - not by death), have seen how both strong and fragile I am. I have eaten weird food, and dispelled some old preconceived notions. I have learned to become deeply comfortable in situations that would have intimidated the heck out of me last year. I have learned some things about me that I would like to change a bit. I have met some parts of me that I want to tend and grow. I have learned, also, that unless I use my Super Power to make someone's day a bit better, I could die.
I have learned that home is in my heart and in the heart of people I love.
I have seen that joy does not get snuffed easily.
I have witnessed how courageous human beings can be.
And now, it's time to go home and melt into love hugs. To catch up, to get moving on watering some seeds that were planted in the last few months, too. To see if my cat would consider forgiving me and no longer pooping on the floor. That sort of things.
Am I ready? I don't know. Truly, I could keep going another six months, especially if the people I love would come meet me somewhere for a bit.
It feels strange and it feels sweet.
One thing I know: I am very, very lucky to have a home to come ... home to.
MaOn my first day working at One Happy Family on Lesvos island, Greece, I was assigned to help at The Boutique. The Boutique is a filled-to-the-rim second hand clothing "store," which is set up in a makeshift building on a bluff overlooking the Aegean sea, and where refugees can come twice a month to pick up clothing for themselves and for their children. Monday and Tuesday are for the men, Thursday and Friday are for the women.
The Boutique is a super fast paced, rather chaotic environment, with customers invited to enter in groups of ten, for ten-minute shopping sprees. Our job was to keep the store stocked, somewhat organized, and the chaos at a minimum during shopping time. The first time I saw the state of the shop after the first ten-minute segment, I was so flabergasted that I could not close my mouth. Wow. Talk about
the raw power of women wanting to put clothes on their kids' backs...
On my first day there, I met two people, refugees themselves, who would become significant to me: one is Manan, a smart and sweet 20 year old Afghani man, and the other one is Memory, a strikingly beautiful, warm and energetic Zimbabwe woman in her early 40s. While volunteers and helpers came and went, Manan and Memory kept running the show day in and day out, making sure the shelves were stocked, the massive amount of clothing organized, and the customers served efficiently, kindly and occasionally firmly.
On that first day, when I barely knew anyone there, Manan and Memory made me feel at home, and as though I could contribute a little bit.
On the second day, when the rainy muddy afternoon brought on a strong craving for chocolate, Memory handed me a bar of Crunch from her backpack. Her gesture meant so much to me, and was filled with more sweetness than made sense in such a small piece of chocolate. Minutes later, the sun came up and I was able to snap a photo of the rainbow overlooking that sea, that sea that has become such a source of terror. That's the kind of days we had over there: chaotic, sweet, beautiful and heart breaking.
Over the next few weeks, I became good friends with Manan, his wife Mahsa, and Memory.
One day during lunch, I saw that Memory was reading a book. I asked her what it was and when she showed me the cover of The Secrets of Happiness, I had to smile. When I asked her if she liked it, Memory said that yes, she did very much - and that she needed to read this sort of things to keep her attitude positive, especially while living in Moria, that terrible, terrible refugee camp.
The weeks passed and before it was time for me to leave, Memory told me that she had gotten her "blue stamp," the coveted permission to leave the island and make her way to Athens, for a chance at a new chapter. She did not have her departure date set yet, but it was in the works. We hugged and I told her how happy I was for her.
A couple of days ago, having just finished my first Retreat in Mexico, I decided to check in with Memory through a WhatsApp message and find out how she was doing. She responded immediately and in her typical upbeat manner told me that she was in Athens and that all was well. Somehow, I felt that I wanted to know a little more. So I asked. And that's when she told me that while she had a roof over her head, she had no money for food.
I could not quite understand how she could have no money for food, being under the U.N.H.C.R. care (the U.N. branch that handles refugee matters) - but whatever the reason was, I would find out later. The more urgent task at hand was to get her some grocery money. A few hours of Western Union Mexico / Greece confusion later, I was able to send her a bit of help.
Then I asked her why she was not receiving food help, and that's when she explained her situation to me: once she had received her "blue stamp," Memory was put on a list that would eventually take her off the island and to Athens, under the auspice of the U.N.H.C.R. How long this process would take, no one knows. It could have been a day, or it could have been months. Which would be okay, if it weren't for the fact that in order to be well, Memory needs to receive a regular dose of medication, medication which is not available on Lesvos. Having been on the island a little while already, she was starting to not feel well and being now legally able to leave the island, she found herself with the choice of remaining there until her official turn came - and be covered by the U.N.H.C.R - or leave in order to take care of her health, and go to Athens on her own.
She chose her health, signed on the dotted line and by doing so relinquished the help of the United Nation, then made her way to a friend's in Athens, where she has been able to finally get her medication.
Here are the good news: Memory is smart as heck and will be an asset to any employer lucky enough to hire her, now that she can legally work in Greece - which tells me that it may not be too long before she gets a job (although Greece's 21% unemployment rate is a little daunting, and she does not yet speak Greek). Also, she has a roof over her head for the time being. And she feels tons better. And as of this morning, she has a little bit of grocery money.
The less good news is that I cannot afford to provide her grocery money on my own for the next few weeks / months until she gets established in her new home. I wish I could, I considered it - and then my furnace went wonky at home, scaring me with a potential high bill, which allowed me to think a little bigger and to remember that hey, maybe someone, or a few someones, may want to help me help Memory get a new start with food in her stomach.
Why would we do that? What will it accomplish? Are we going to make a dent in this big crazy refugee situation? Probably not. But here are two of the many things I learned while working down there:
1) I have to do what I can, whatever the next right thing might be, no matter how small (I have a little story to share with you about that, soon. It has to do with a red ball), no matter how huge the whole problem seems. Because if I don't, I die a little.
2) The things that one of us cannot lift / do / accomplish on our own, can be a joy to lift / do / accomplish as a group.
So here you go. My invitation to you to help me help Memory. Whatever amount of pennies feels right to you to send me, I will send to her, in monthly increments. My vision is to be able to send her 100€ per month, for just a few months. If we can't make that happen, anything else will be more than she has now, having made that big choice.
Of course there is more I could say to pull at heart strings, share more stories about how rough things can be in that other world, tell you more about what I learned about the dark side of things. But really, I don't want to. I just want to ask you if maybe you would like to help me help Memory.
Thanks for listening. And if you'd like to share this letter with others, so that they may join in with us, please please do.
(One week is about $31 and I think that even in bits of $5 we can make this happen for her)
It comes as quite a big surprise to me that five months into this 180 day journey, I am able to look back and say that the overarching theme of this trip has been... Family.
Not Adventure, not Freedom, not Creativity, not even Service. Yes, these have all been a tremendous part of this chapter - and continue to be - but it seems that Family is #1.
NOT what I expected.
I was not raised to put a tremendous import on family - current, past or future. Instead, Independence and Individuality were the Essences around which I was raised.
I had never really thought about getting married until the day I did get married, barefoot on the side of the road. My oldest daughter was the first baby I held for more than a few minutes, even though I had much younger siblings (yet when my kids were born, my inner mom bubbled up to the surface effortlessly and I remember once feeling that the whole world existed right there, in that big bed with my three babies and their dad. I needed nothing else.)
So when I slipped on my backpack, last September 1st, a new relationship to Family was not what I expected to find.
I found it everywhere.
I found it in the hole in my heart during long days walking alone through olive groves by the Mediterranean, in Italy. I found it in the choking back of tears, listening to Christina tell me about her 97 year old mom and how she sees her everyday, no matter what. I found it in the complete peace I felt falling asleep under the same roof as my kids for a few nights, in France.
I found it when my heart burst instantly watching a man sing to his infant son while lounging on bench in a fancy Torino street.
I recognized it in the veiled women holding their daughters' hands in the streets of Marrakesh.
I found it when I read about Thessaloniki and the ways my family had come as refugees from Spain and made a new life in the Ottoman Empire. I felt it while walking the streets of that very city with my son, sister and nephew, all of us looking uncannily like everyone else there. I knew it in my belly when I heard the haunting sounds of rebetika music in a small Greek taverna, late on the night of my birthday. I remember the deep sense of belonging to that land, and I now feel the strong pull to return.
I heard it when giving rides to families of refugees on Lesvos island.
I reveled in it it while TV bingeing / recuperating on my sister's bed last week in Florida, and I lived it while sitting in my mom's living room, her apartment filled with the furniture she brought from France 35 years ago, as she invited me to please pick what I wanted - and asked me the heart-breaking question of what was going to happen to all her stuff when she was gone?
Again, I did not know.
As an adult, I had been doing a whole lot of running from my family of origin for as long as I remember. Fast and far.
I thought maybe this trip was another version of the running, and I was okay with that.
I did not know that the running would take me to this layered unveiling of my heart, to the place where family - past, present and future - sits on a thrown of love and kindly asks for the right to reign.
What this means and how this look, I sure don't know.
I am guessing that's the next gift.
Island Bliss Retreat
July 12 to 19
Happiness Retreat in Italy
"Thank you for sharing your wonderful, heartbreaking, exhilarating experience with the world."
"Thank You Laura for sharing, for teaching and spreading loving kindness. "
"I think I love you. You bring good things into my life, or remind me of things I love and know, but have let go of."
"Laura, you are so good for me. I laugh and sniffle and get the shivers when I read your essays. Thanks so much for letting all your wonderfulness run around loose."
"Heart-achingly beautiful, your words and how you reveal your truth."
"Thank you so much for who you are and what you share with the world. Your mere being transforms lives as it has transformed mine. This particular post did to my heart what water does to parched soil."
"Thank you for your gentle words that are packed full of wisdom. I have been struggling with the concept of what words can do to another person when they are negative words. Your words are the flip side of our word power, and shows how delightfully powerful kind words can be. Thank you."
"Once again Laura Lavigne takes you on an adventure of the heart. She has a way of pulling you right in the car with her. Asking you to consider changing a fear to taking thoughtful action. Whether she's teaching a class, leading a retreat or heading for a happiness sprinkling, Laura will invite you to shed old ways of thinking and be completely authentic. Join in!"
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I write because this is the way I am able to taste life more deeply.