In the middle of a busy day in the city today, I notice a new text. Two simple words: Happy birthday.
For a brief instant, I wonder if there is confusion, as my birthday was two months ago. Then very soon, I shift into the possibility that there is no confusion at all and that instead, the person who sent me these wishes knows my heart so well that he took the time to get them to me, from a mostly no-phone place. This flip-flopping of my brain lasts a mere two seconds and that’s as much time as it takes for my heart to threaten to overflow out of my eyes.
Having our heart known and acknowledged. Quietly, simply. Soul to soul.
Today, my dad would have celebrated his 87th birthday. If his love/hate of cigarettes had not won over his body twenty years ago, I would have called him first thing this morning, and he would have pretended to be surprised. Maybe I would even have flown across the country to help him blow some candles. If my mom’s own love/hate of cigarettes had not taken over her body five months ago, she would have been there with her hand on his shoulder and with that look she had when her eyes landed on him.
These are the thoughts that woke me up in the middle of the night yesterday, as the calendar page silently flipped to February 27th.
My heart has been hurting fed by a sweet stew of thoughts and memories and questions never to be answered. It’s a private hurt, it’s a blessed hurt and a bathtub full of scented bubbles seems to be a kind host to it.
It is a special, just-for-me hurt which no one can take away, just as no one can know it like I do. My sister knows her own version of it, and I trust that our brother does also.
And yet, these two words on my phone, so simple, so quiet. These two words that say: I know you.
In our strengths, our quirks, our weaknesses, our joy and our pain.
What a delicious gift of being humans together.
"Every time I read your blog I am so profoundly happy I did. The truth you speak is just mindboggling. The real, real voice you have. It makes me almost crazy how much I love your words and your way of telling stories that cut to the quick- and I never have the words to really say how much this all means to me.
Thank you for digging in there and finding the gems of wisdom and then just sharing them out as if there's an endless supply ... which with you, there is."
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"Thank you for sharing your wonderful, heartbreaking, exhilarating experience with the world."
"Thank You Laura for sharing, for teaching and spreading loving kindness. "
"I think I love you. You bring good things into my life, or remind me of things I love and know, but have let go of."
"Laura, you are so good for me. I laugh and sniffle and get the shivers when I read your essays. Thanks so much for letting all your wonderfulness run around loose."
"Heart-achingly beautiful, your words and how you reveal your truth."
"Thank you so much for who you are and what you share with the world. Your mere being transforms lives as it has transformed mine. This particular post did to my heart what water does to parched soil."
"Thank you for your gentle words that are packed full of wisdom. I have been struggling with the concept of what words can do to another person when they are negative words. Your words are the flip side of our word power, and shows how delightfully powerful kind words can be. Thank you."
"Once again Laura Lavigne takes you on an adventure of the heart. She has a way of pulling you right in the car with her. Asking you to consider changing a fear to taking thoughtful action. Whether she's teaching a class, leading a retreat or heading for a happiness sprinkling, Laura will invite you to shed old ways of thinking and be completely authentic. Join in!"
"Essentially pure love.
I enjoy how Laura is kind to herself and to us other humans who dance in and out of each other's lives. "
"Don't miss a post!
You can count on Laura for warmth, humor, charm, and a lift to your day and your heart. She inspires me to be braver than I am, and to love the world out loud. She's a gem, and a generous one at that!"
I write because this is the way I am able to taste life more deeply.